It's been tough

Sunday, January 31, 2010 |
 
{Mom and Nicholas 2008}
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My heart is aching for my son.
This weekend he attended the funeral of one of his friends. He was killed in an auto accident. It was late at night and the driver hit a tree. According to the reports, he was killed instantly. The following morning the news broke with the fate of this young man. I cannot even begin to imagine the horror his parents have been going through. They have been in my prayers all week.
Honestly, I'm not sure I'd have the strength to go on.

When Nicholas called to tell me the news I knew he was upset and wanted to talk. Not necessarily about the accident but just talk. I think he needed the connection of home and safety.
As his mom, I wanted to pull him onto my lap, wrap my arms around him and keep him there, safe from life. Obviously, this isn't a reality on many levels.
Both his father and I took this opportunity to talk with him about choices in life and the consequences ~ dire at times.
We shared with him that youth is not invincible.
 Nicholas is a wonderful and loving young man. His father and I are so very proud of him. He is doing very well in college and we want him to enjoy all the experiences that come with this "right of passage."  However, there will always be a tomorrow and his choices dictate how he will face it.

I made sure I called him several times this week. I'm still a little concerned about his health. He is feeling better but not up to full speed just yet and his throat is still sore. I also wanted to provide him the option of sharing his feelings if he needed to.
During one conversation he got a little weepy {my heart was crying for my little guy} and expressed his fear of what had happened, how he had never lost a friend, the void he felt without seeing him this week, and how this is affecting his life.

I sent him a note of encouragement as he faced the day of saying goodbye forever to his friend. I reminded him that I was only a phone call away if he needed me. I made sure I had my phone with me at all times on Saturday. Nicholas called me not once but twice; before and after the funeral. Nicholas shared that the hardest part of the service was when the younger brother spoke of what would never be between him and his brother due to his loss and when his mother greeted him with such grief and emptiness in her eyes. I had {and do now as I type this} tears flowing down my cheeks for the loss that this mother will carry for the rest of her life.

 Nicholas thanked me many times during our conversation for always being there for him and expressed how much he loved me.

My son had to face a very difficult life lesson this weekend.


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19 comments:

Rhonda said...

Jo,
This is such a sad and sobering post. As mothers, our children just never stop being our babies. I completely understand your desire to want to make it better. Even when they have left home or will soon be off to college like my daughter, a feeling of dread is always there. You can't protect them, can't keep them from making bad choices, and have to hope that what you've taught them they remember when difficult situations present themself.

I'm sorry Nicholas has had to experience such a tragedy in his young life. I too am sad for the boys parents - what a loss.

You've done what you can as a loving mother; you are there for Nicholas, and that is what he needs most.

Wanda said...

How very sad. For this family and for yours. It's a hard thing to experience such a loss at such an early age.

I wish you peace and comfort.

Felicia said...

What a tough experience for your son and his friend's family. You're such a good mom...you listened, interjected necessary words and you were there for him. Listening and loving - it's a perfect combination.

Henley on the Horn said...

I cried with you. I am so thankful you and your husband have such a loving and open relationship with Nicholas. He is one blessed young man. The loss of a child is more than I can fathom. May you feel the Lord's comfort at this difficult time.

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

How tragic.....this is such a sad story. I am sure it was a very difficult week for you knowing that Nicholas was working through the loss of his friend........ He sounds like such a thoughtful and compoassionate young man......and I am sure your words meant the world to him.

Reading about things like this really snaps things into perspective for me.


I hope this week is a better week for you all.

xo,

Lisa

pink green & southern said...

I am so sorry for his loss. What a terrible thing to experience at such a young age. Sending warm thoughts and prayers~

Preppy Mama said...

So sad. So sorry to hear about this. Can"t imagine how hard it is to watch your child go through this.My thoughts are with you both.

JMW said...

I'm so sorry that your son is dealing with the loss of a friend, especially at such a young age. I can only imagine the worry you continue to have; first his health and now this. You're doing a great job and he's very lucky to have such caring parents. My prayers go to the family of the young man who died and to your family as well, as everyone copes with this loss.

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Jo,

So very sad for your Son having to deal with the grief of loosing a friend.
Your Son sounds like a fine young Man and how lucky that he has a loving and caring family.
My thoughts and prayers go out to the family and your family, so all may find peace and comfort.

Hugs
Carolyn

Belle (from Life of a...) said...

I'm so sorry...my husband's cousin's son went though something similar last year when a friend of his was killed in an accident. Good news is that he's doing very well.

cntrhodes said...

Jo,
As I read about Nicholas, I couldn't help but to feel bad for you-the Mom. I'm sure it is frustrating and painful for you to not be able to "fix" this for your son. Having 2 college girls myself, I know the strong desire to rescue. Sometimes a safe harbor is what is most needed. You sound like a great one.

CRICKET said...

This made me very weepy. You had some very good advice in your post and I learned something. I feel so sad for your son, you for not being able to hold him and for the family of the child that was lost.

GrannySmithGreen said...

Jo,
My heart aches for this family--and your son's loss of a friend. The only comfort I see in the situation is that Jesus is holding that boy in his arms right now. As a parent, that is the only consolation I could have. How my heart breaks for this family's loss. I will pray for their strength and for your son as well. Please remind him that he WILL see his friend again--in his Heavenly home! Hugs to all of you!
(and thanks for your prayers for EKW. She needs them so.)

bevysblog said...

I hate that your precious Nicholas has to go through this. I read your post last night, my eyes welling up with tears. Instead of commenting then, I immediately went to Sumter's room to spend a little more time with him - to just be with him, as you are for Nicholas. You are a wonderful mother...

Lisa said...

Jo,
My goodness it HAS been a tough time for Nicholas. You and your husband have done a wonderful job raising this young man.
He is so lucky to know that he can share his joys & his fears with you both. This kind of loss is really tough for everyone on so many different levels. We will keep you and yours in our prayers.
Lisa

Ashley said...

Jo,

So sad about your son's friends -think of them.

You mentioned you live in Connecticut - not sure where, but I was born in Avon (outside Hartford). My mom spent all the time from 2nd grade until we moved when I was in 1st grade in Avon and the surrounding towns...what a small world.

Blessings, Ashley

Nancy @ Live love laugh said...

I am crying with you, too. My son also went through this while away at college. It is hard enough when they are home-but away-so hard.
Your son sounds like a wonderful young man who knows he has his parents' love and support.
~Nancy

Holly said...

I'm crying over this one... Hug your children tighter and make SURE they know you love them.

Holly said...

So, very sad. Your poor son has had quite a bit to deal with...as have you. My heart goes out to the other boys family as well. It makes my heart ache...every bit of it.
Holly

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